Woken up with a Tory MP

Well, this morning I woke up with a Tory MP. It feels worse because I've actually met the smarmy bastid and voted Labour despite Bliar.

Worse still, Saddam-loving George "permatan" Galloway succeeded in his thinly veiled anti-semitic campaign in Bethnal Green. While I have no sympathy for pro-war Oona King, the alternative is worse even than the Tories.

Vote early, vote often

So it's the big day. I trundled down to the Indian Cultural Centre around the corner to do my civic duty this morning. Xed the appropriate (Melanie Smallman, Labour) box and headed out. Dead easy, can't imagine why 49% of the population can't be bothered.

On the way out, however, there were two guys sitting in the lobby with no identification asking for my polling card. On being challenged, they said it was to help with "party canvassing" and to ensure they didn't hassle me later in the day. WTF? Of course, I told them to get fucked. Dodgy.

Why does technical marketing have to be meaningless?

We're looking around for bug tracking software at my work, so this involves a lot of research into the available tools. It seems that the web sites of most software companies are written by and for people who are functionally illiterate.

Take this example. WTF is a "Web-architected, secure and highly configurable" <piece of software>? Come on guys, "architect" is not a verb. Nor is "leverage".

Do you think it's possible to write a straightforward description of what the software does without any buzzwords? I mean, this is a product clearly targetted at software people, and the bullshit bingo is just gonna piss people like us off.

By way of contrast, Joel's excellent site about his product, FogBugz, tells you exactly what it does in the first sentence: "FogBugz is a complete project management system for software teams." How refreshing.

Yay for Microsoft!

Say what you will about their (lousy) software, Microsoft make great hardware. On Wednesday my eight-year old Microsoft Natural Keyboard finally died, the Enter key stopped working. So I ordered another one.

These keyboards are fantastic because they've put useful ergonomic keyboards into the affordable price range. Previously you had to shell out serious bucks to get something that didn't destroy your wrists. With these puppies, you can get that for £12.

How long did something take in Perl?

Some things in Perl seem very obvious to the gurus but aren't terribly obvious to us mere mortals. I'm writing scripts for work to automagically publish our docs, so I'm trying to work out how long each document takes to publish.

This uses the Time::Duration module to convert the epoch seconds that Perl uses into something humans can read. It's adaptive to give something meaninful, so "66666666" returns "2 years and 42 days" while "666" returns "11 minutes and 6 seconds". If you want full precision, there is also the duration_exact function in that module.

use Time::Duration qw(duration);

# Record the start time, in epoch seconds
$starttime = time;

# Do stuff
...

# Record the end time, in epoch seconds
$endtime = time;

# Subtract the start time from the end time
$difference = $endtime - $starttime;

# Convert the seconds to something humans can read
$duration = duration($difference);

print "The process took: $duration\n";

Google SMS

Google now has an SMS service. You text a query to it, and it texts you back results. "Pubs" then your postcode finds the nearest pubs. "From" location "to" location gives you (driving) directions. They're an American company, so I guess public transport, cycling and walking directions would seem quite ridiculous to them.

What they really need, is to be able to respond to a query like "late opening pubs" location... Now that would be handy!

Becoming an omnivore

For most of my life, I have despised tomatoes. Tomato soup, ketchup, pasta sauce and the like are all fine. Just raw tomatoes, I've always hated.

For the last year or so, I've been trying to work myself out of this. I've been doing this by leaving the tomato on bought sandwiches, munching down on tomato in salads and occasionally, just occasionally, eating chunks of tomato for the hell of it.

It's mostly worked. I wouldn't say I love the things, but I can now easily tolerate them. I'll wait until I get to Italy, land of tomato heaven supposedly, and see if I can find some really really good tomatoes. Then I'll eat some.

This article is by a restaurant critic who, getting the job, needed to lose some irrational food dislikes. Pretty odd ones (except the retsina bit) and he hated one of my favourite foods, kimchi.

Now I've been trying to think what other irrational food dislikes I have. The only one I can think of is avocado. I'm not so pressed to get rid of this one, as it's not such a staple as tomato. If I end up planning a trip to South America, I'll probably have to work on it.

If only I could get Holly to work on some of her food dislikes. She hates tomatoes, most pulses, peppers (but not chillis) and most of all, peas. Even lovely, sweet, fresh peas straight out of the pod. Freak.

Please oh please, someone kill Network Solutions

I've been trying to get my rumble.net domain off Network Solutions for the past three months. Eight support requests later and they still have it locked with lock status "REGISTRAR-LOCK".

Every time I submit a support request, the first response is "we can't do this by email, please phone". When I point out that I was logged into their site when I created the request, they then send their form letter that says "done" and promptly do nothing.

Now do you think there's a complaints procedure on their site? Course not!

So does anyone know where I can escalate this? I mean I'm not asking for anything complicated, just the ability to migrate to another (less crap) registrar. Ferfuxxake!