VADER, COME ON, MAN. IT’S 1999. GOTH IS SO PLAYED OUT. IT’S ALL ABOUT RAVES NOW. YOU WANT TO GO TO A CLUB AND LISTEN TO HORRIBLE GLOOMY DANCE MUSIC, WHICH IS AN OXYMORON BY THE WAY, THEN STAND AROUND AND BE ANTISOCIAL IN THE MIDDLE OF A COUPLE HUNDRED PEOPLE? THAT’S RIDICULOUS. YOU COULD COME WITH ME AND SOME SWEATY, SMILING E BUNNY WITH A CANDY NECKLACE WILL BE RUBBING YOUR HELMET IN UNDER FIVE MINUTES, PLUS BLACK IS SO … I DON’T KNOW, BLACK, YOU KNOW? WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE ONE COLOR GOING ON? RAVES ARE LIKE A RAINBOW MADE OF DRUGS.
GUYS, BACK ME UP HERE. TELL CAPTAIN VAMPIRE POETRY HE’D BE A LOT LESS UPTIGHT IF HE WAS ON A COUPLE TABS AND SHAKING HIS ASS.
Kinda pleased I don't have an iPhone from some of these. Tears rolling down cheeks funny.
“Hurry, boy. It’s waiting there for you,” the old man had said.
via mcsweeneys.net
Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup (above) contained 65 mg of morphine per fluid ounce.
I'm sure it worked a treat! Less sure about Asthma Cigarettes.
via youtube.com
Genius