Estate agents: how I love thee so

Ahh doncha just love estate agents? They're so honest!

Here's an ad in our target area. Let's decode the real estate-speak:

FANTASTIC LOCATION!
The house is shite, but what a great spot!

Two bedroom, two storey terrace with separate lounge and dining areas,
One bedroom and one cupboard, standard Erskineville terrace layout which means front-bedroom downstairs is the lounge, middle room with two doorways and a staircase (you try arranging any usable furniture) is the "dining" room.

bathroom with bathtub, good kitchen and sunny courtyard,
No shower, tiny outdated kitchen, concreted backyard.

smoke alarms fitted. Fantastic location close to all amenities.
We comply with the law but call it a feature. Did we mention the location? Notice we didn't put in any photos of this crumbling, damp shitbox?

Wot me, cynical?