Election night television coverage

I don't normally pass these things on, but this is a classic.

Forwarded from a friend...

The Sydney Morning Herald's Monday "TV Guide" has a section devoted to home entertainment with a Q&A column where you can email any queries about sound systems, tvs etc. Below is a question I emailed in and the reply.

I wonder if they'll publish it next Monday?

Subject: Re: election night electricity blues

Q If John Howard wins on election night I intend to smash my television with an axe during his acceptance speech, ideally with the television running.

What safety precautions should I put in place?

A The trick is smashing the television without electrocuting yourself (and the risk is high) so we would suggest standing well to the side and hitting the screen at an edge, so the television will be broken without the axe penetrating far enough to contact the internal electronics. Ensure the axe has a wooden handle (preferably hickory, the preferred handle of professional wood choppers), wear rubber gloves and soles and ensure you're standing on a dry surface. Wear eye protection. Note that the television will not explode, it will implode (there's a vacuum inside the tube). This should ensure that the shower of glass will be directed more at John Howard and less at you. Disconnect the power as soon as possible after the axing.

You may want to arrange a drop sheet to collect the bits. Before we spend any more time on this, however, we need to know if you're making a mere threat or if this is a core promise.

Further to my email.

You might enjoy John Clarke's response.

Before you smash the set, it might be a good idea to just check that there is not a swimming carnival on any of the other channels. Water is a good conductor of electricity and unless your feet are well off the ground, electrocution through leaking sports coverage is a constant danger in the expression of dissent in Australia, especially with axes.

A shotgun, fired from outside the window, should blow the set up, start a small fire and offer a blistering critique of the status-quo without buggering the carpet.